it's never goodbye

cos you'll live in my heart forever
till the day i leave this world

well, back from the wake :/
It's such a terrible feeling
I've been mugging on my work.
& collecting the money from the people

somehow, i got this feeling
that the wake
is, a 'chatting' & 'catching up'session
for my relatives
:/
but whatever the case,
thank you for coming down.
it's very much appreciated

many came today
it's 'full house'
chanting session..
etc.
thanks everyone who were there.
it's really appreciated..
it's rlly a long while since i've rlly 'poured' out..

i know, i was kinda scary today :/
sorry, to those, who i vented at.( i didn't mean it)
thanks to those, rlly thank you so so much..
those hugs were such an amazing remedy

When i saw you,
suddenly remembered the last smile,
the last handshake,
the last conversation
the last laughter
the last embrace..
Those memories..
i still remember, when i was young
you'll send me to my kindergarden everyday
early in the morning
when i was sick, you came to fetch me home
it was like this everyday,
when you held my hand, afraid that i would run around and get lost
i still remember, you canning me
although it was really painful,i could still vividly remember
i knew, it was rlly for my good
bcos i did something wrong
i know your heart ached when you caned me too
when i refused to go to school,you pulled me there
afraid that i were to miss school, and may not be able to catch up with stuffs
i still remember the teddybear,bobo, you gave me when i was primary 3/4
couldn't really remember.
i treasured it greatly, it's still here,(altho its eyes dropped out)
but i managed to fix it back
now every saturday seems to be so lonely,
i rmb i use to visit you during saturday(2 weeks,once)
i was lazy,i wanted to go out with my friends,
so i was absent during some of this saturdays
but whenever i go there,
you'll always put up a big smile for me,
& when we all left, you still put on a big smile for us.
i miss your smile, i miss your scoldings,
you screaming at me, to ask me to do my homework.
you would always buy dinner for us, bcos i was too lazy to go downstairs,
why am i this way..
you doted me, you doted every of us.
but i was being so disrespectful at times.
you forgive me.
you would always tell me about your 'days' ,your past.
you had a group of loyal and good friends,
you were in the bball team,
championship hur!
well, all this, will not happen alrdy.

i was suppose to visit you this coming saturday,
i guess, there is no need to anymore.
no more trips and lunches in the nursing home
your pain, has came to an end,
it was a peaceful one.
no pain, no nothing, you left us.
perhaps, it was a release for you.
but time heals,
i'll be strong,
i know, i know, i can feel your presence
even though no one believes me,
but i can feel you here with us.
watching us, assuring that everything was going smooth for us.
you'll be watching us,i know you will.


a few years ago, you got into the nursinghome bcos you had stroke
i was so afraid..very..
you didn't leave us at that time.
i was praying so hard,
thank god.
but i know all this is inevitable.

just a few days back before he left us,
i was still talking and telling dear,
'if any of my grandparents were to leave me
what should i do,
i will feel so lost'
& she replied,' don't think so much la'
it indeed is so unpredictable.
life is this way.
accept it,cheryl.

we'll all be strong,


i miss you.
i really do.

hugs&kisses, cheryl♥